I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
