Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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