Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
