Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
