Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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