i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
