Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
