I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
