textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
