Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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