I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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