after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
