I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
