I'm so fucking centered right now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
