The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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