I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
