wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
