Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
