Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
