I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
