i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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