I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
