remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
