his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
