You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
