We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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