And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
