mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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