Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
