I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
