Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
