I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
