I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
