the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
