i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
