So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ketchup is God's man juice
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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