yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
