Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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