please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
