I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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