Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
