I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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