Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
im calling her cock vulture from now on
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
