went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
