I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
