Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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