And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
