Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
