youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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