I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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