Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
