I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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