if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
