i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
